I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
