I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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