he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My vagina is very pro this idea
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
