My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
