shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she smelled like a LAN party
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
