Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
