I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
