I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
