i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
