He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish I only lived at night.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
