I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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