Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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