he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
