I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
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