call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
