YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
