i was born a porn star she said
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
