Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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