I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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