i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
