I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
