Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
