I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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