Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Sext me about skeletons
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
