My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
