So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
