you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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