if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
