is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
