I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
