Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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