is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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