Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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