She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
