I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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