Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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