I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
