how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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