how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
