No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
