In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
