I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
