It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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