when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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