The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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