Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
