I cockslap morals
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
