we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
