Can i not drive my cunt home
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
