I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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