nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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