I wish I could teleport
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
