It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
