Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
only you would photoshop your dick
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
